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Loving Them

How We Talk about Life



Hate the sin, but love the sinner. How well are we doing with that when it comes to abortion? I’m Eric Metaxas, sitting in for Chuck Colson, and this is BreakPoint.

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Eric Metaxas

Last week I told you that while the voice you hear on BreakPoint may be different for a while, our commitment to the sanctity of human life remains the same. Today, I would like to talk to you about that commitment and how we might communicate it to others.

The life issue is far from academic in the Metaxas household: My wife runs the Midtown Pregnancy Support Center here in Manhattan where we live. It’s a Christian organization that offers help to women and families that find themselves in so-called “crisis pregnancies.”

In my own work, I have defended the sanctity of human life many times.

While I believe that Christians must speak out passionately on this issue, how we speak about it is as important as the points we make.

Actually, it might be more important because what’s missing in some of what I hear coming from pro-life activists is an appreciation that, apart from the grace of God, chances are we would be on the other side of the issue. There’s a tendency sometimes to demonize our enemies instead of loving them and, more to the point, showing them that we love them.

We would do well to heed Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s example. Bonhoeffer, by the way, had no doubts about the evil of abortion. He wrote that “Destruction of the embryo in the mother’s womb is a violation of the right to live which God has bestowed upon this nascent life.”

Bonhoeffer also wrote that raising “the question whether we are here concerned already with a human being or not is merely to confuse the issue.” What’s clear, he said, is that “God certainly intended to create a human being and that this nascent human being has been deliberately deprived of his life.” And he didn’t hesitate to call that “murder.”

At the same time, he spoke compassionately about the “many different motives,” such as despair, economic destitution, and misery that often lay behind the act. He went so far as to say that “the guilt may often lie with the community rather than with the individual.”

Thus, for Bonhoeffer, while abortion certainly is murder, we should think twice about labeling the mother “murderer.”

Another thing we need to keep in mind is why it is possible to love the sinner while hating the sin: grace and forgiveness. We know that our sins, no matter how great, have been and can be forgiven. We know, some of us from personal experience, that this most decidedly includes abortion. This knowledge is what makes efforts like those of my wife possible.

But non-Christians don’t know this. They hear our condemnation of abortion as a condemnation of themselves.

That’s why our love for them can’t be an afterthought: just the kind of thing we say after people have reacted negatively. It’s got to be the thing we lead with. We must love them before we dream of reproaching them. After all, that was Jesus’ way of doing things. While he attacked the Pharisees, he had compassion on the harassed and helpless people around him. He even wept over the city that would crucify him.

Ultimately, we must understand that truth is more than ideas – it’s a person, Jesus Christ. And we must treat those who disagree with us as he did: with love.

Further Reading and Information

Midtown Pregnancy Support Center

Care Net

Breaking the Spiral of Silence DVD
Consider hosting an event on April 28, 2012.

Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy
Eric Metaxas | Thomas Nelson Inc. | 2011

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Comments:

Gratitude
Thank you for this piece, and for the comment above. When I was a child, my aunts and uncles adopted kids, several of which nearly were aborted. It was a frequent topic of discussion--how they loved their children just as much as if they'd given birth to them, and how we all saw them as part of the family, and didn't care that their mothers didn't give birth to them. They were our cousins. period. The adults frequently talked of the birth-mothers as heroines, and had great respect for their sacrifice. Then when I was 19, I was in a bad way, and had a choice to make. I knew immediately what I had to do. I was not active in my church (the Mormon church) so I looked in the phone book and called Mormon missionaries, and told them my situation, and asked if they could give me a phone number to call. They gave me a number to a church social services office, and I was in contact with a social worker within a few minutes. I told her I was pregnant, and not married, and I needed help. She had instant compassion for me, and we made an appointment to meet. She brought with her a binder of families and their profiles, all who are looking for children to adopt. She let me cry on her shoulder, she introduced me to a doula, entered me into a support group, and ALWAYS defended me, prayed with me and for me, and loved me. She was a mother, a sister, and friend. She even counseled my boyfriend, and listened intuitively, earned his trust, and helped him through the process. She was an angel, and helped so many girls. Beverly, I will never forget you. But Beverly wasn't one in a million. She was one of dozens of volunteers who saved babies, one birth mother at a time. I never dreamed of ending my baby's life. I didn't need to. I wasn't alone at all, and even when I felt alone, I had my God to comfort me, and Beverly made sure he heard my name every day, as did my family. My family did not even know of the pregnancy, but they were praying for me because they knew I was young and a little wild. I was so loved, I could never imagine not loving the child within. I loved her enough to give her a better life than I could give her. Today she is a happy, well-adjusted pre-teen who lives in CA, surfs, sings, and dances, and knows she's adopted (as are three of her 4 siblings,) and she doesn't mind a bit. She has a rich life, full of love and family, a sincere belief in God, and the people she has already touched have been hundreds. It is a WONDERFUL feeling to know that part of me is out there living a joyful life, and I can't imagine not having love for her in my heart. I do not judge moms who have had abortions, I know what it is to be faced with an impossible decision. I weep for them, the fathers, their families, and the hole left in the world that child could have filled. I weep for a society that suggests that it is easier for a mom to lose her baby to death than to watch him/her be cradled into a loving family. I know both pains. I now am married and have 3 living children with my husband. I have had a 2nd term miscarriage, and the pain never leaves. Your soul aches to validate that life that never got to live. Even my children felt that need, and still talk about their baby brother that died, and my 3-yr-old son tells me that he has a little brother who lives in heaven. It is healing to talk that way. To pretend it never happened would be the much harder way. To deny that we could have loved him would be the harder way. To deny love and life hurts deeply, and those who do it have scars they may not even know exist. They need compassion and love, and the healing power of Jesus Christ in their hearts and souls. The beauty of Christ, is that he has borne this pain and can carry the burden for us. He can work miracles in our lives, and everyone deserves to know that. Placing that first daughter for adoption was the best thing I ever did, because I knew that she was going to a christian home, she was wanted deeply, and I got to know her parents ahead of time. I was so blessed with support. Why can't all women, married or not, be given this kind of support? Are we not His hands?
Deep Wounds
THANK YOU for this article! 33 years ago, I was 16, Christian, and pregnant. My issues of abandonment as a child (by father)& living in a stressful home with Mom & Grandparents & siblings, extreme money issues, desire to go to college to not continue the pattern, all lead me to make a horrible decision- abortion. I live with the scars of that decision to this day. Not a day goes by that I don't somehow wish I had trusted God and followed thru with that pregnancy. But some of the deeper wounds I have, were made by so-called 'Christian's' who sent me anonymous hate mail several years later when I became engaged to be married. They sent them to my home, my work, and my fiance's home and work. They even posted letters on bulletin boards at my work place. I felt threatened, stalked, and hated. I became very withdrawn, extremely private, and have issues with trusting people to this day. I made a horrible mistake that I have had to answer for. But there is no excuse for Christians treating others with such hate and judgmental arrogance. I am a sinner...like everyone else. I have received Christ's forgiveness and through his stripes I am healed. Where was the Christian support when I needed it most?...WHEN I was pregnant! Where was the Christian counseling and intervention that could have assisted me through an expensive pregnancy, birth and adoption process? Where was the educational support to help me continue school while pregnant? THIS is the type of care a crises pregnancy requires. NOT judgement after the fact! I am not blaming anyone, but rather calling on Christians to be the hands and feet of Jesus, even to those who find themselves in crisis pregnancies!